The Unsaid

I thought we're about to reunite last night? I thought you will hold my hands and help to carry me, Lars? You just laughing on me with Lee that I couldn't make it again, don't you? I don't wanna die on Sunday because you both left on Sunday. I used to like Sunday that much that we called it Sunday Avocuddle. Sunday is the day I will whine on Gareth about what are we going to do and where are we going. But things are not always as easy as Sunday. I'm barely breathing last night, my neck hurt, my tears are running like a waterfall and I'm so tired that I can't describe it any more. I just wanna, boom! Gone.

If there is any chance for you guys to take me, just take me. I had so many meltdown moments lately. I lose all the confidence because people want me to be perfect and I just can't. People want me to be chilled but then I have to keep all the silent tears by myself. And I just can't. And I don't know if I need help or letting them guess that I'm just a happy personality with a sad soul.

I have so many words that were said in the unsaid. When I start losing my people, no matter how I miss them, I'm so grateful that with the smaller circle I know who loves me the most and accepts me the way I am. They know I can't be somebody I can't. I'm all alone but never be lonely, I don't crave the attention; when I miss their presence, we talk, we text or we video call. Except when I miss you, Lars, the only thing I can do just send a message your Mom then continue crying. Not even when I miss Lee, I send a message on Instagram just being silly even though I know he won't reply. I did press the voice call trying to ignore the news that Lee is also not here anymore.

So here am I, stuck with most of the things. I'm too in love to let the things go, I'm too care that I forget to look after myself. Just hopelessly loving and dreaming but I know I'm dead inside.
Send me some positive vibes, please?

Picture's Source: here