My hands stiff, frozen.
Well, my Lars Weddeler... I'm sorry that I didn't celebrate your birthday with too many prayers for you.
I choose a quiet night to wish you a very happy soul and you just fine up there.
Even though I can feel you just next to me and you must be laughing on me because I almost crying every night asking whether you're there or not.
I know, I know I might be too selfish until I finally dream something push me to let you go.
My so-not-romantic guy, I start hating anyone who tells me that you're no longer here with me.
I choose not to hear them when they said "let him go". Baby, tell me what should I do? Tell me what should I tell, that you never really leave, when I know I can still feel you around when I know you're just sleeping next to me and you hold me tight just like a month before you go.
Yeah, which you never do that to the other nights we have, and I was never thinking it was a sign, one of the sign I mean, my Mr. Not Romantic Guy becoming very super melancholics and full of surprise :) -(but you still annoying, though).
Another year was gone, we were celebrating your birthday last year. A day that I can't stop crying- upset at the same time when they won't write wishes for me just because they thought I'm not going to move on.
Birthday cake " Lars Weddeler, Happy Birthday, Luv. ♥Risya "
Questioning "Why do the best people die?" It's just like when you're in a garden, you pick the most beautiful flowers :') . Sr. Nena with me, pray & comforting. Aaahhh :(
And they say, "She loves you, Lars!" -yes, she is.
No more celebration, birthday boy! It will be only you and me, in bed. I will only remember you when the last time we met to re-set-up our future. The day that we both admit that we can't really live without each other :')
P.S. You are super sweet that night, I was wondering how the other girls treat you like; until you finally realized that I'm the one and only. Haha! I know, you will tell me I'm too confidence, but again, we have confession night that time.
So my forever soul-mate, after I talked to Owen this afternoon, I will only visit Chiang Mai if I did travel to Germany because I wanna meet Mutti Christel. I'll thank her for delivering you to my world, bring her white flowers just like you want me to put them at home.
We will walk to visit orphanage and see the kids there, one of your favorite :')
Come to you and ask her to leave us...
Oh, she can stay! She will hear how my day dreaming changes from "have an ice cream in Paris" to be "visiting Germany; you and your mom". Telling you how much you meant to me, how I'm laughing when Dewi try to introduce you to me while actually you're my forever man, how James is totally becoming my own rainbow after I met him a year ago (don't be jealous, you're gonna like him!).
And how I ask my dad and mom pray for me that I can quit my job after they wishing you a happy birthday.
That's it? No. I owe you lots of stories which I know I don't have to tell you, but I might need to tell your mom (well, because you really know what happen- yeah you're always next to me anyway).
You're 34 that time, and you're turning 36 today. Numbers! How I wish I had more days, weeks, another life; enough time to see you one last time.
P.S. Guess What.
