Doubt Your Doubt

Time flies too fast! Or am I the one who keeps harder to trust life a little bit?

It's O.C.T.O.B.E.R and I might the only one who will NOT say "I'm so glad I live in the world where there are Octobers."

I don't know whether I should not hoping that Jakarta Marathon wasn't existed as my Lars Weddeler leave me alone after that event. He broke his promises, (I'm not, he said).

And it's almost a year after he passed away, time flies even faster than September to October 2014 compare to October 2013 - 2014?

Remember when I post "I Do, August, I Do."? Maya Angelou said "To those who have given up on love, trust life a little bit." So when I start to trust, that's the time I start giving up the same time :'(
I'm sorry, Maya. I'm sorry...

Then Thee, I offer myself to Thee

Or I might need someone who holds my hands, telling me this, maybe? Maybe.

While cuddle and holding this cute pillow :)

Not a care in the world....

I Do, August. I do.

It's just a few minutes before August end.

So, two things:

 

1

 2

And I'd like to believe it :')

Semesta Yang Paling Setia

“Mungkin suatu hari aku bakal jatuh cinta lagi, J. Mungkin.”

Kalimat itu sudah terlontar bahkan dari pertama kali saat matanya bertanya-tanya kalau-kalau dia punya kesempatan. Iya, matanya bicara banyak, lebih banyak daripada lidahnya yang mungkin beku dan kelu, tahu bahwa perempuan di depannya penuh luka.

Salah saya, lupa bahwa perasaan manusia bisa berubah dalam sekejap saja. Sekejap saja. Di saat yang indah saya tahu semua akan hanya ada di awal saja, atau mudah saja terhapus oleh waktu, entah kenapa saya memilih menjadi naïf. Naïf berfikir bahwa semua akan baik saja, yang indah akan bertahan selamanya, perasaan akan tetap terjaga seperti langit memeluk mataharinya di siang hari dan membiarkannya istirahat dan digantikan oleh bulan, namun manusia-nya tahu bahwa kasih semesta tidak pernah ada tandingannya.

Kami tidak bicara akhir-akhir ini, tidak bicara sebagai dua orang dengan kapasitasnya sebagai manusia. Kami sibuk bicara dengan diri sendiri, perang dengan hati, lalu kami bicara dengan kebencian. Kami sibuk berharap bahwa dendam akan tersalurkan dan akan dirasa dengan sendirinya. Kami sibuk mencari tahu kenapa matanya dan mata saya adalah hal pertama yang masing-masing kami lihat di pagi hari, waktu matahari mulai mencuri perhatian.

Selebihnya, kami bahkan tidak mau lagi mengenang apa yang terjadi empat minggu lalu. Hari-hari di mana entah kenapa saya yakin saat itu, bahwa dia satu-satunya yang mampu menjaga sebentuk hati yang sebenarnya tidak lagi berbentuk.

Biar saya mengalah, berbaik dengan diri sendiri dan meyakinkan diri bahwa, bahwa hati juga bisa salah.

 

Dewi Lestari

Wander for A Bit

My "life after death" gonna start soon.

And they said, "you'll be fine..."

:')

H.A.P.P.Y

Happy birthday Ibu Rini Palupi!

Ibu is the mother of someone I love the most many years ago. Her love will be forever as well as the way Bapak loving me and treat me like their daughter.

On her birthday, I celebrate her happiness in my own way:

Serve my resignation to my current company I work for and settle down for my decision: back to Bali.

True

Thank you, Monroe!

Clap along, Risya!

So, dear flip flop, I'm ready!

Dear beach, I love you more than everything :')

And I'm sure will enjoy this:

It's a smile, on my face

Sorry Jakarta, I wish I could stay longer, but NO, not after my Lars Weddeler come home, to heaven :')

I Want To Quote The F* Out Of Movies With You

The Proposal

Appreciate the sarcasm, do you?

P.S. I Love You

I'd like to believe that: Lars Weddeler still watching me from heaven :')

UP

Oh, this is sad :(

One Tree Hill

It happens to me, somehow

Or Jane Austen?

♥

Hmmm, I've told you, I'm thinking about that, lately... 

Good Morning, Wonder Woman!

That's the way he replied my morning hello "Good Morning, Superman"

I don't exactly know what happened to me, but there are two things I think about, lately:
1. Man - Relationship - Marriage - Kids (questioning myself: seriously, die hard believer of love? Really?)
2. Death (P.S. Don't cry for me because I'll be very happy with Lars Weddeler there)

Some of my best friends sent me these pictures on my birthday:

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Well, I couldn't refuse that it sounds like me, and yes I believe in loving somebody forever. Not now, even I almost give up in reading man's mind. I'm curious as my curiosity could break the sea (they said tons of fish in the water so the water I will taste and what I get: hurt. lol)

And if I may be the part of that girl, why am so worry, why should am I getting hurt?

I should not.I should stop leaving as I will arrive, I should stop searching as I will see, and I should stop running away as I will be found.

Damn shitty crisis!

And I hate how I realized that actually I don't need any relationship status, I don't need a boyfriend (note to self: pilot babies are a lot, and they are your real boyfriends, you love them, you taking care of them).

But sometimes as human what I really need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand :')

And this is why I let you, I let you may say "Just sleep with me. Your arms wrapped tightly around me as we lay under the blanket. Whispering I'm happy even it's a tiring day." 

It's perfectly content with just being close while my sleep is not too good even I'm inside your hug keep thinking about what's on your mind? Or how do woman read the man's map?

Is it okay with too much love words? :|

Don't worry, we're not going too fast nor talking about love, yet. As we agreed that we're both are stranger meet in the right time. You claim that we met in the airplane, yes the MAS one, that get lost. lol. And I said huu to you... came over me in a rush, when we're both too busy with work or just enjoying life so I ask as much as possible to having cute pose :p I let you complaining and still talking even I kissed your lips, oh babe! 

STHU, let's get busy with red sneakers!

Oh, and thanks for letting me run to you with my hair a mess, no makeup, and... stay in your convenience hug. 

Maybe it's you, maybe not. The one that makes me believe there will come at the time I will see no more tears; believe that love will not break my heart after I dismiss my fears (P.S. fears is my reason of my sleep doesn't really well even I'm in the best place: inside your hug).

Or maybe it's you, maybe not. 

The one that makes me stop thinking about:

This (again) :')

She Is Herself

Happy International's Women Day!

To your past, present and future achievement ♥

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Haha! Am not there, am not the part of portraits' photo collection of 40 women from 40 countries, in honor of Internationals Women Day.

Yet am not celebrating the day generally, but I may be who I am on this day. Instead of MK, I'm wearing beautiful Batiks from my lovely country and I'm happy with it.

I'm not also wearing high heels and stiletto just to be the representative of strong women in pain.

But I wish my outfit today as the way MK supporting the international women's day:

Michael Kors

Definitely! No matter how I have a lot of too-high-heels and stiletto with me, I will not wear it often for just only goes to the club for having attention from... males....

I'm the one who believe that girl just beautiful no matter what. Not regardless the size; branded item, or everything that people can see it by their eyes.

Feel the beauty from her heart, at least, see the cute-fake-smile, because tears not always the measures of her pain :')

She feels deeply and loves fiercely. Her tears flow just as abundantly as her laughter. She won't telling you of every single thing happened with her. She's just... herself.. She put her bitchface on, to telling you that "Mind your own business, and I mind mine..."

Fuck the haters

Ahem! She could also mad like an evil sadistic demon from hell that'll make you wish she never born by saying STFU....

But she's also cried at night... 

Even last night, she keeps thinking why good people die young, she's thinking that when God took Lars Weddeler home, or David have to go back to Ireland is a punishment from Him because she's maybe too happy? Or thinking maybe God is also a pretty jealous guy?

Well, she's so fine now, she try effortlessly. She keeps giving the contribution to the world by her essence as.. women should be.

She did everything with or without the high heels, her mind speaks a lot about her own kind of beautiful.

She love kids and for whoever the kids. She wants to get married too when she's ready to. Or... She may say yes for her man who wants the baby from her... 

Soon to be :)

However, she believes that life is better in the bikini. No one knows where she's going. 

She will keep on until she gets there. She keeps loyal to every company she works for, to her friends, her beloved.

She expects no more from others than she's willing to give. Showing her caring with word of support, understanding with smile and tears.

Just by being herself... 

¿ ؟ ﹖

who still have a silly dream about:

This :')

Courage, Dear Heart

I'm afraid my head full of fears and has no space for dreams if I'm staying.

I'm afraid I'm scared to say the things worth saying, here.

Yea I know I may be stupid by being brave enough to move from 5 stars international every time I did working and just move to... 4 stars.

But I remember I said yes for my new adventures and I know everything's gonna be SUPER DUPER!

And the fact that I'm dealing with people who super in love with their comfort zone and, unfortunately, they don't super realized that it brings them to be...
Super annoying one... Or super... sllll...ooo...www... even to just think about this:

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Thinking about to having mindful 5 stars international? I did, I create it, even it takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan. Sigh...

No, I don't let stupid things break my passion, I don't try to figure out everything at once.

I keep smile, I keep being honest, do beautiful things as it doesn't ask any attention when we do it :')

Yes, I'm extraordinarily blessed 

There's no regret, only a mindful power that "You're almost there... hang on..." I keep telling myself:

:')

I'm (Still) Here :')

It's been...

Ah OK. I feel like something stop me from writing, something stops me for being honest to the stranger (because when you write, it's the time you tell every truth sincerely, honestly, and the facts are all there) and just try to be honest to yourself or have someone to share with.

And I did.

There are a lot of pieces I'd like to share but please, give me some time.
I need extra strength and courage to write the hardest part... Lars Weddeler; he's in peace now, oh yeah he is. P.S. I can feel him around.

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Well, not only him but there are lot of things happen, I even missed the chance to wish you all a very Happy New Year!!! We have 365 pages, write a good one, beautiful people!

Even sometimes it's just.. hurt...

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And.. I have to thank someone who put a smile on my face lately, as he's also the one who motivate me to keep writing (I say being honest to the stranger). Where is he now?

I have no idea, but I'll surely write about him, the Mr. Addictive. 

Maybe he needs some space, maybe...

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