What Is There Not To See?

I don't know how to give up on people.
I tried, again and again.
Maybe I am a forgiver, maybe I am not. Maybe I am a believer, maybe I am not.

We were just... friends. Two people who were scared to love one another, but we spoke like lovers, sometimes. But yeah, we were... friends; get to know him and you just really like being around him. Like the only option is, being his friend just to have him in your life. Do you ever love someone so much (too), and you just settle for being... friends?
But, darling, just... friends, not doing that. Well, forget it.

Damn, it's hard, isn't it? Like asking me to lie to myself and pretend those "feelings never existed" but sometimes it's questioning myself how I was never good enough, hey?

"Just Friends," huh? Well, "just friends" don't steal the secret glance at each other. "Just friends" don't get jealous when the other one talks about someone else. "Just friends" don't get butterflies from each other. "Just friends" don't hold each other like that.
"Just friends?" yeah right.

❤

Dance to Her Heart's Content

Lyrically, "True Love" talks about heartache and how the protagonist can't bear the pain of losing his lover. Perhaps the most open song Chris Martin has ever written, could be interpreted with

What's really going on below,
I've lost you know, you let me go...

Coldplay - True Love

But one last time, tell me you love me

If you don't then lie

Oh lie to me.

dys·pep·sia

Nah.

Not familiar with that word before, until I'm hospitalized, twice, sleeping alone just like in a hotel room with personalized service, ooh I like Siloam Hospital, and you!

disˈpepsēə,disˈpepSHə/

noun

1. indigestion.

I thought I was fine, just a bit nervous, not sure about what I'm doing, slightly not happy, extrovert, or whatever. But then I couldn't eat, not even drink water. It must be my job that time, and for the second time hospitalized, there are butterflies dead on my stomach too. If you know what I mean. Ha-ha! 

Twice! What the...? So I quit my job and raise my middle finger after, and, Hong Kong. 

After January and April, it's time for September and October have their turn to take care of me with lots of medicines and I even being handled by 2 doctors now. Yay or nay?

It feels like, when I was down, I am very very down, but when I was high, I could fly.

Yup, it's getting worse again. As we can see my daily dose and my reminder.

Overthink my overthinking. Sad, I know, my anxiety keeps me from enjoying things when I'm only, what, 27? 28? But then the situation forcing me and makes me anxious.

Ah, that goddamn words "Anxiety Attacks" intense feelings of fear, doom, foreboding, and gloom; a sudden urgency to escape, run away, or get out; that fear that you may lose control of your thoughts and actions; dizziness; nausea and vomiting; a feeling like you might pass out; trembling or shakiness; weakness; difficulty breathing; pounding or racing heart; hot or cold flashes; chest pain; hands and feet may feel numb; you may be lightheaded or woozy; irrational thoughts, and a number of other physical, psychological, and emotional symptoms. 

Phew, enough said, baby, that's it! 

And I've had enough of the things that make me nervous and sad, as my doctor said "stomach is the closest one to your feeling, your mind. Happy probably the best medicine." 

Or maybe this is the best time for new beginnings?

Well, I cannot wait to go bed tonight randomly wearing my Christmas socks and stop worrying about shit I can't control anymore.

Oh.

I want a hug, too.

But not just a normal hug. No. I want one of those pick-me-up-off-my-feet-squeeze-me-tight-spin-me-around-hurts-my-tummy-but-still-makes-me-smile-leaves-me-breathless-gives-me-butterflies-makes-me-giggle-stupidly kind of hug.