Happy Birthday, Lee!

Permanent

Kygo, James Abrahart

You just, you made it look easy
It's like you didn't feel it
Not like I do
I followed, I followed the pieces
I tried to receive it
To when it was good

Oh look, I don't wanna feel like somebody
But nothing else ever feels like your body
'Cause we held the world, we were turning it
For a moment there, it was permanent
I'd drive the streets when you told me your secrets
We made mistakes, but we both we didn't mean it
And we held the world, we were turning it
For a moment there, it was permanent

I'll bet, I'll bet you're in Seoul
Dancing in slow-mo
With someone new, oh
I can't lie, I hope you'll never forget it
The night you're still wearing
Like all your tattoos

Oh look, I don't wanna feel like somebody
But nothing else ever feels like your body
'Cause we held the world, we were turning it
For a moment there, it was permanent
I'd drive the streets when you told me your secrets
We made mistakes, but we both we didn't mean it
And we held the world, we were turning it
For a moment there, it was permanent

Permanent
Permanent
Permanent
For a moment there
It was permanent

Not My Soulmate

"Jezzebelle... Brains are the new tits. I don't think we've had those conversations before. Star Wars...." Lee said.

Exactly. Sometimes you meet someone who understands you more than anyone you've met before. Who knows the difference when you are wearing professional attire and not. Who guess you studied Philosophy and read your body language either you lying or tapping into your imagination or being mischievous.
"Your uniform isn't cut that low on your chest, Kai. Although I notice you all wear short skirts that struggles to stay straight. And when work is getting too much, how do you cope with some real idiots and rude customers? Do you scream into a cushion, spit in their coffee or just take lots of drugs?."

"Eating donuts and cry, Lee." I breathe heavily.

Who's more fun and much better than Business Mode when he's taking so much alcohol, he is a fun Lee, the drunk Lee. Same Lee that I like, but not my soulmate, still.

"A rose amongst the thorns, you stand out as being a cut above. There is simply the rose. Perfect in every moment of existence."
"But she who dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose, Lee."
"Buona notte, Kai."

Who's calling you Alligator or even Toodles, but not my soulmate, still.

"I've fucked up so many relationships, Lee. I'm at potentially most vulnerable and fucked up in the romantic slice of the pie, just like Gwyneth Paltrow. Hahah."

Who's understand that spending time with your babies in Bali is the best to enjoy your downtime. And will compliment your blonde hair, the very alluring look, or simply trying to understand that you have your alto-ego side that only comes out at night; like Batman, but more kinky.

But still, Lee is not my soulmate.

All the best, Lee.

31 July

Nothing I Wouldn't Do

"Let him go, sweetheart. Let him find his peace, let the spirit be the light. He loves you so much, he worries about you, he wants you to be happy and move on. Do that, sweetheart."
Chris hold my hands tight knowing I will cry as soon as I blink my eyes. I can't even look at him when he talks. Through the connection, through the mantra, through love, he just wants to make sure that I know how much Lars loves me.
"I know, I know," I said.

"I just miss him that words couldn't describe. It's been 69 months after his passing and he's only 40 last month if he's still alive. Jakarta is not the same without him, my life is never the same without him and everything is just too scary to do it by myself, Chris."
I wish I could say that I'm afraid.
I wish.

I hear you, Lea. 

This probably the best song to describe at the moment.

Anything Just To Trade Places With You

I don't know that when we are thirty, our heart becomes more softy. Tears easily fall; not trying to be silly, the movies I watch, the animals' video I see every morning, and the P.S. I Love You that I watch over and over again. Damn, I miss you that much, Luv. I wish it is your face the first thing that I see in the morning.
You're only 40 last month if you're still here, and I will laugh on you. You will laugh at me, too, because I don't like anything with 4. We're going to sit in the balcony and drinking beer, think how much longer our time in Jakarta and how the expats here trying to steal me from you but you never afraid about it because you're just being jealous. And so we are talking about how many Indonesian girls wanting my Lars.
But then you know what you want, you want this smart-ass girl to be annoyed every day. I'm honored to be yours, to be your home. How lucky I am?
My best friend might right in compiling the P.S. I Love You story,
"maybe you're being punished for being too happy, too beautiful. God can be a pretty jealous guy."
I don't know, I'm not beautiful, I'm never too happy, not at all after you left, I swear. And it's just hard to walk by myself in the room of full people, I can't do it. I can't promise you that I won't be sad or lose faith or to fall in love again.

My heart cracked into two, Luv. What should I do?

The First Step To Self-Love

A stranger wrote a very nice phrase that we are all storytellers. Even in his own mind, the stories he told himself are often more powerful than the actual events that happened. Then he asked what’s my current story – could be a book/ movie/ TV show or even someone I know.

“Tuesdays with Morrie”, I said. I got it last year as my birthday gift from Ivan & Wenny. And since this year is my “self-love” program, I like my own story in the past that brings me more to learn and learn. I’m moving on with courage so far.

Ty never heard about that book before. But he’s so happy to hear that I am on a journey of self-love that is incredibly important and he thinks we heal the world through healing ourselves first.
Then he curious to know what’s been the biggest impact in my life that I wasn’t expecting as a result of this journey?

Ehm, great question, Ty.
“Losing people.” No, I’m not gonna talk about my loving partner that died, I’m not gonna talk about the nasty relationship with my family, I’m not. I feel like the universe takes certain people out of my life for a reason. I may not see it before or now, but eventually, I will. Even now, I feel so grateful that I finally understand why. I trust that the right people in our life are here at the right time and for the right reasons. It is a complicated feeling; I miss them, but when I remember that those closest to you can be those who hurt you the most, I chose to keep walk away in silence and no longer care. And I’m feeling just fine.
I told Ty that losing “my people” is unbearable :’) but I believe the universe chose them wisely if they deserve to stick around in our circle. Sigh, breathe in breathe out, haha.

“Definitely.” He said. The people that remain in our lives are almost always there for a reason.

Phew, now I miss Bali and this scenery. A good book, an empty page to write, the sound of the beach, the sun and coconut are the best cures for pretty much anything.

I’ll see you some sunny day, Ty, the ultimate stranger!

One fine day in Canggu, that time.

Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop

"Hey, I have good news for you". Todd smokes his cigarettes knowing I will not sure how to react.
He drinks his beer and telling me "I'm having a baby!!!"

"Oh, Toddie, congratulation!" I'm staring at him and still not sure how to react. I think "Are you excited?"
is the best response I can do that time.
He was like "Ya, you wanna see the little bastard here? What do you think about the name? And what do you think about gender?"

I'm still staring at him and look at the baby ultrasound picture,  "Oh look at that, that's Landon, dude! I really hope it's a baby boy?"
Todd said his girlfriend also wants a baby boy.

"Landon, then".

One day he grows up, he will be like his Dad who loves the Sci-Fi things, the one who makes his special someone feel warm and comfortable every time she walks into his presence, who will make her better no matter what her mood in with the ability to take her completely a different world, to keep her herself that he can treat her with respect. The guy every girl dreams marrying, just the best guy you could ever meet.

And one day Landon read this, he will know that I love his Dad, too, I love him 160 at least (your Dad counts this), at the coffee shop, everywhere we go.

And I'm sorry that I never knew before.

Landon Pigg - Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop