There has been a lot of loss lately. From at least 5 deaths that I heard, three are the people I've known, the other two are celebrities and one of them is the singer I always spare my time and money to watch his concert, Glenn Fredly. The 3, are people I know, I met, and I cried when I heard the news. Indra and David are two great people I met through organization during high school, dr. Djoko Judodjoko (Mas Iho's father who I met from the same organization) who look after me and the fam since I was little, are passed away fighting the Covid-19. I called my Father and crying, can't hold my tears :')
There's similarity from these 5 deaths. The wives are losing their husbands (apart from the family). So when I see them crying, when I see them trying to be strong in front of their kids, in front of their big family, I could understand that. Lars passed away almost 7 years ago, and I'm still grieving. Lee passed away 4 months ago, of course, it feels like he's only on long haul that I couldn't reach him. The fact that he will never go back, but let me deal with it, ok? People judge how I grieve, people will judge yours too. But if I have the chance to hold your hands, strong women, I will. I received lots of condolence messages even until now and I can't thank you enough. For every time I remember you, the news, the face and the tears, I can't say a word, but I remember these, too, that might comforting you and those who lost their loved ones:
"He didn't die. He rests his mortal vessel. And now he is part of The Universe. As you said extraordinarily blessed. Since it comes from the heart it's fine. Jadi kalau mau nangis, silakan. It is God's gift to your heart." -Harris Firmansyah
"You never get punished got being too happy :) God took Lars because he was called. That's one call we will never miss, he had a job for him :) When our time comes we will also meet our maker :) Lars lives on in your memories always remember him fondly and he will live on. There's a difference in remembering someone fondly and not moving on" -Niall Monaghan
"Jangan berlarut-larut dalam kesedihan, kita tidak tahu rencana Tuhan. Yang kita tahu pasti Tuhan kasih yang terbaik buat Risya. Di dunia ini tidak ada yang abadi, suatu saat kita yang percaya kepada Tuhan akan dikumpulkan di sorga. Di sorga selama-lamanya, di dunia hanya singkat. Turut berduka." -Pendeta Samuel
"From the quotes, remember God doesn't take anyone away. He calls them home. They were HIS before ours. We just borrowed them." -Agung Nusantara
"Of course you miss him and of course you wish you had done things differently. But you did what you did and you will learn to accept that. There is no benefit in regretting what you did or didn't do. Try and be thankful that you met him and that he was a part of your life. And please try and ignore what others say. They mean well, but this is YOUR grief, not theirs. I don't know why things like this happen, it doesn't make sense to us now but I pray that this will make you stronger and you may be able to help someone. There's a saying I heard many years ago, tears are the language that God understands. When it's time to stop crying you will know. I wish I wasn't so far away." -Phillip Stanley
"God is not punishing anyone when He's taking his creation back home, Nang. It just means that Lars' job is done in His eyes and as hard as this sounds, it has nothing to do with us yang ditinggal. He is God's loved belonging, Nang. Kamu banyak berdoa, death has its eerie power yang cuma bisa dikuasai Tuhan. And at the end of the day, kita semua akan kesana. Sabar, be mad, but come to Him again for comfort. Love u." -Tressabel Hutasoit
"I tried to call you this afternoon, I can't believe Lars is gone. He is a good guy, my good friend. I feel so sad, too. Move on ya, you have to be strong. Lars won't be happy to see you sad from above. -Baiq Dewi Yuningsih
"Peluk. Emang udah harusnya dia. Hayoo udah udah sedihnya, nanti Lars malah ngga tenang disana. Kamu doain aja dia yaa. Dia ngga ninggalin kamu kan, tapi Tuhan yang manggil dia, itu ngga bisa kita bilang ngga boleh, mean he's a good man, sampe Tuhan lebih sayang sama dia." -Reyna Miranda
"Don't do that Risya, you know how much his passing devastated you and the people in his life, so you know what will happen to the people you leave behind if you do that, your friends and family and everyone that knows you. You take care of yourself too, and yes, surround yourself with good things and people :)." -Jase J
"Oh, Gosh, Girl, wished I could hug you. I know how it feels to lose someone. He will stay in your heart forever just try to keep that in mind." -Vera Hoegger
"Heii... aku gak tau Lars gimana krn aku gak kenal dia... tp yg pasti, yg aku tau, Tuhan memanggil orang-orang yang Dia sayangi duluan... kalo Tuhan sayang sama orang tersebut, dia udah pasti orang baik... gitu kan? Sebagian gratitudemu berhubungan dengan Lars... He's so important ya
. Teruss... sebagian besar juga nunjukin banyaakk banget hal positif yang bisa kamu lakuin... so you're precious too, Risya. Duh sedih banget ya. Lars berarti banget. Kalo dia masih ada, sekarang kamu mau bilang apa? -Angesty Putri
Even my psychiatrist asks me "If he still alive, what would you like to say? I answered "I'd like to be with him, for the rest of my life :')
My love, everyone who's reading this, whoever you are and wherever you are; life is too short. Don't be too busy to care about people who didn't care about you. If you have someone in front of you, you know he/ she loves you, please, please, please cherish the moment. Appreciate his/ her present. Noone perfect in this world, stop looking for perfection and stop looking for somebody else to just please your ego. I'm saying this because I know what loss is, what death is, what grief is. They are not coming back, they are not replying your messages any more, they are not answering your phone call anymore, they do not argue back when you guys fighting, they are not giving you a morning curl up or morning texts anymore and nothing we can do about it.
I had Eva holding my hands when I did a final check on Lars' death at that time (not in this picture). My left hand wiping the tears and she held my right hand, afraid that I will just fall when I know it was really Lars, in a coffin and not moving.
I had no chance to tell him how much I love him, I had no chance to kiss his forehead or hold his hand. He is frozen, dies. And I look stupid crying, wish I could travel back in time, wish to love him better, wish to work lesser, wish to wake up in the morning with him on my back and I could not.
Death change anything, love is probably the only thing that never change. Choose to be loved and not to be used, because real love doesn't meet you at your best; most of the time it meets you in your mess :')
There's similarity from these 5 deaths. The wives are losing their husbands (apart from the family). So when I see them crying, when I see them trying to be strong in front of their kids, in front of their big family, I could understand that. Lars passed away almost 7 years ago, and I'm still grieving. Lee passed away 4 months ago, of course, it feels like he's only on long haul that I couldn't reach him. The fact that he will never go back, but let me deal with it, ok? People judge how I grieve, people will judge yours too. But if I have the chance to hold your hands, strong women, I will. I received lots of condolence messages even until now and I can't thank you enough. For every time I remember you, the news, the face and the tears, I can't say a word, but I remember these, too, that might comforting you and those who lost their loved ones:
"He didn't die. He rests his mortal vessel. And now he is part of The Universe. As you said extraordinarily blessed. Since it comes from the heart it's fine. Jadi kalau mau nangis, silakan. It is God's gift to your heart." -Harris Firmansyah
"You never get punished got being too happy :) God took Lars because he was called. That's one call we will never miss, he had a job for him :) When our time comes we will also meet our maker :) Lars lives on in your memories always remember him fondly and he will live on. There's a difference in remembering someone fondly and not moving on" -Niall Monaghan
"Jangan berlarut-larut dalam kesedihan, kita tidak tahu rencana Tuhan. Yang kita tahu pasti Tuhan kasih yang terbaik buat Risya. Di dunia ini tidak ada yang abadi, suatu saat kita yang percaya kepada Tuhan akan dikumpulkan di sorga. Di sorga selama-lamanya, di dunia hanya singkat. Turut berduka." -Pendeta Samuel
"From the quotes, remember God doesn't take anyone away. He calls them home. They were HIS before ours. We just borrowed them." -Agung Nusantara
"Of course you miss him and of course you wish you had done things differently. But you did what you did and you will learn to accept that. There is no benefit in regretting what you did or didn't do. Try and be thankful that you met him and that he was a part of your life. And please try and ignore what others say. They mean well, but this is YOUR grief, not theirs. I don't know why things like this happen, it doesn't make sense to us now but I pray that this will make you stronger and you may be able to help someone. There's a saying I heard many years ago, tears are the language that God understands. When it's time to stop crying you will know. I wish I wasn't so far away." -Phillip Stanley
"God is not punishing anyone when He's taking his creation back home, Nang. It just means that Lars' job is done in His eyes and as hard as this sounds, it has nothing to do with us yang ditinggal. He is God's loved belonging, Nang. Kamu banyak berdoa, death has its eerie power yang cuma bisa dikuasai Tuhan. And at the end of the day, kita semua akan kesana. Sabar, be mad, but come to Him again for comfort. Love u." -Tressabel Hutasoit
"I tried to call you this afternoon, I can't believe Lars is gone. He is a good guy, my good friend. I feel so sad, too. Move on ya, you have to be strong. Lars won't be happy to see you sad from above. -Baiq Dewi Yuningsih
"Peluk. Emang udah harusnya dia. Hayoo udah udah sedihnya, nanti Lars malah ngga tenang disana. Kamu doain aja dia yaa. Dia ngga ninggalin kamu kan, tapi Tuhan yang manggil dia, itu ngga bisa kita bilang ngga boleh, mean he's a good man, sampe Tuhan lebih sayang sama dia." -Reyna Miranda
"Don't do that Risya, you know how much his passing devastated you and the people in his life, so you know what will happen to the people you leave behind if you do that, your friends and family and everyone that knows you. You take care of yourself too, and yes, surround yourself with good things and people :)." -Jase J
"Oh, Gosh, Girl, wished I could hug you. I know how it feels to lose someone. He will stay in your heart forever just try to keep that in mind." -Vera Hoegger
"Heii... aku gak tau Lars gimana krn aku gak kenal dia... tp yg pasti, yg aku tau, Tuhan memanggil orang-orang yang Dia sayangi duluan... kalo Tuhan sayang sama orang tersebut, dia udah pasti orang baik... gitu kan? Sebagian gratitudemu berhubungan dengan Lars... He's so important ya
. Teruss... sebagian besar juga nunjukin banyaakk banget hal positif yang bisa kamu lakuin... so you're precious too, Risya. Duh sedih banget ya. Lars berarti banget. Kalo dia masih ada, sekarang kamu mau bilang apa? -Angesty Putri
Even my psychiatrist asks me "If he still alive, what would you like to say? I answered "I'd like to be with him, for the rest of my life :')
My love, everyone who's reading this, whoever you are and wherever you are; life is too short. Don't be too busy to care about people who didn't care about you. If you have someone in front of you, you know he/ she loves you, please, please, please cherish the moment. Appreciate his/ her present. Noone perfect in this world, stop looking for perfection and stop looking for somebody else to just please your ego. I'm saying this because I know what loss is, what death is, what grief is. They are not coming back, they are not replying your messages any more, they are not answering your phone call anymore, they do not argue back when you guys fighting, they are not giving you a morning curl up or morning texts anymore and nothing we can do about it.
I had Eva holding my hands when I did a final check on Lars' death at that time (not in this picture). My left hand wiping the tears and she held my right hand, afraid that I will just fall when I know it was really Lars, in a coffin and not moving.
I had no chance to tell him how much I love him, I had no chance to kiss his forehead or hold his hand. He is frozen, dies. And I look stupid crying, wish I could travel back in time, wish to love him better, wish to work lesser, wish to wake up in the morning with him on my back and I could not.
Death change anything, love is probably the only thing that never change. Choose to be loved and not to be used, because real love doesn't meet you at your best; most of the time it meets you in your mess :')
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