A month, huh? A month.
Some days I woke up with a smile on my face because I thought I will wake up with tons of messages.
Some days I woke up crying because I know you’re not around anymore.
Most of the days, I wish I never wake up anymore.
It’s more than heartache that I couldn’t describe.
It’s the same tragic love story and glory that broke before it bent. When I found Lars I thought I won the lottery; it’s a jackpot, I’m the happiest. And when he died, that’s all. I don’t want to buy the ticket anymore. Kevin said, "buy another ticket we never know you might win again, Kai". Nope, I will never.
Then Lee found me, he thoughts he’s the one who won the lottery. It’s hard for him to believe it so he was once run away, he’s afraid if it’s too real, I need to convince him that I am the ones who won the lottery again.
I never higher my standard or decrease my value to make him love me that much. He looks at me like he sees the world, he appreciates that I never change myself for him. I am myself when I’m with him and he’s proud of it. How amazing is that being loved by someone who value yourself, who will open the car’s door for you, who will give his arm to walk you in the stairs, who get up from the chair and look at you like you're everything to him then welcome you to just sit next to him and make sure it’s comfortable? Who will introduce you to all his friends and tell them about you like you’re the greatest person in this world, and he never changes for any second? He’s always done that, he never gets bored of loving me over and over. He’s never getting tired to flirt. His eyes always wide since day one he saw you. He raises you when you feel down and asks you to apologize to yourself because you make yourself down. He supports your mental health and prioritize your happiness, your success and reminds you that you have meaning in this world when you thought you don’t have any.
“You have meaning and purpose. I am calling BS on that. You know it, Kai. Who would Rox and I love if not you? What about your other friends. Please complain if you figure out what you have to complain about. I would give you such a bear hug you would be gasping and then play with your hair until you settle down.”
Now tell me what do you think I should do; waking up knowing two greatest men in this world that you love and love you in return are never be next to you anymore.
You could tell me that I might be mad at God and back to Him for comfort.
You could tell me again that God is such a pretty jealous guy so He took the best two.
You could tell me again that God replacing with the better person.
But you have no idea how life is could be so simple by being loved by someone you love.
So tell me again what do you want me to do other than faking my smiles and my eyes pretend that I am all good I am all happy I am moving on?
This part is the hardest that you might never know :')
Some days I woke up with a smile on my face because I thought I will wake up with tons of messages.
Some days I woke up crying because I know you’re not around anymore.
Most of the days, I wish I never wake up anymore.
It’s more than heartache that I couldn’t describe.
It’s the same tragic love story and glory that broke before it bent. When I found Lars I thought I won the lottery; it’s a jackpot, I’m the happiest. And when he died, that’s all. I don’t want to buy the ticket anymore. Kevin said, "buy another ticket we never know you might win again, Kai". Nope, I will never.
Then Lee found me, he thoughts he’s the one who won the lottery. It’s hard for him to believe it so he was once run away, he’s afraid if it’s too real, I need to convince him that I am the ones who won the lottery again.
I never higher my standard or decrease my value to make him love me that much. He looks at me like he sees the world, he appreciates that I never change myself for him. I am myself when I’m with him and he’s proud of it. How amazing is that being loved by someone who value yourself, who will open the car’s door for you, who will give his arm to walk you in the stairs, who get up from the chair and look at you like you're everything to him then welcome you to just sit next to him and make sure it’s comfortable? Who will introduce you to all his friends and tell them about you like you’re the greatest person in this world, and he never changes for any second? He’s always done that, he never gets bored of loving me over and over. He’s never getting tired to flirt. His eyes always wide since day one he saw you. He raises you when you feel down and asks you to apologize to yourself because you make yourself down. He supports your mental health and prioritize your happiness, your success and reminds you that you have meaning in this world when you thought you don’t have any.
“You have meaning and purpose. I am calling BS on that. You know it, Kai. Who would Rox and I love if not you? What about your other friends. Please complain if you figure out what you have to complain about. I would give you such a bear hug you would be gasping and then play with your hair until you settle down.”
Now tell me what do you think I should do; waking up knowing two greatest men in this world that you love and love you in return are never be next to you anymore.
You could tell me that I might be mad at God and back to Him for comfort.
You could tell me again that God is such a pretty jealous guy so He took the best two.
You could tell me again that God replacing with the better person.
But you have no idea how life is could be so simple by being loved by someone you love.
So tell me again what do you want me to do other than faking my smiles and my eyes pretend that I am all good I am all happy I am moving on?
This part is the hardest that you might never know :')
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