The Loss that Doesn't End

I remember, even though I’m trying not to. I wish there’s no 27 October from all 365 days a year. I wish that Marathon never exist. I wish you’re only traveling that far but you’ll come back to me. I wish my phone beeping with your message asking me to go home because I work too much. I wish you’re sitting here, next to me.
Death is such a thief and grief is a nasty game, Lars. It feels like only yesterday since we sit in the balcony and we laugh about how silly we are dating somebody else just to find out that we are the best for each other. 6 Years flies too fast and life still just that hard without you around. You missed a lot of things but I’m sure you see it all. I could cry like a kid when I miss you that much that I thought you’ll be home but you’re not.
Tons thing happen, love, and you’ll laugh even harder about it because you just take everything easy and I’m the overthink ones;
- I had my first root canal surgery today and I can’t even talk now. I guess those who said it wasn’t hurt are the siblings of Iron Man?
- Roxy is the sweetest rescue that you could ever see and you will love her as much as I do,
- I change my Siri voice to a Male with British Accent just because I like Lee that much (he knows it) and we both enjoying the role of “falling in love from the distance” because I have no idea what can I do if he’s with me every day? He’s still one of the beautiful things I see in this world,
- I miss working in the hotel industry. Passion wins over everything. At the end of the day, you just want to do what you love. And I have my hospitality DNA with me. Oh, you will mess my hair when you proud of me because I received a letter from Isadore Sharp, the Founder & Chairman of Four Seasons Hotels and Resorts,
- I would love to be in Jakarta again and eat whatever Chris cooks just because it’s all yum and healthy. I can sit in my favorite Starbucks, go to the places I normally go after the office hours and have the joy of missing the dogs so much and feel the excitement of coming “home” with Gareth around,
- I can’t wait to hear the daily stories from Jasmine when she finally decided where to go to university,
- I still don’t understand why people can be so mean, cruel and jealous that what they want to do is destroying me into pieces,
- I would love to give Joaquin Phoenix a hug, in HER movie and the Joker because I could understand that the pain is unbearable. Oh, I would love to have Lee’s voice as the artificial intelligence program in my phone, too. Just because I re-watch that movie?,

There’s too many I and it should be “we” if you’re still here. It will be a lot of “us”. But then, by too many words, I know it won’t make you back.
So I will just see you on the other side of the stars for your absence is like the sky that spread over everything, and my love is a bond that death cannot part :’)

6 flowers for 6 years since you left. And for I am not always as lovely as a rose, I could be strong and bold and true for myself just like the sunflower.

P.S. You Know What