You don't have to read this if you think I'm so afraid of our current issue right now or I am so desperate that I'd like to die so much.
I'm always thinking about death, not lately, but since Lars passed away, almost 7 years ago with so many journeys in between until November last year when Lee also passed away. I don't know if I should laugh or cry even harder now. But I told my BFF, Christie, today that I leave my Social Media account legacy in case something happened to me with details that I'll write now.
If one day I die, (which I will), first, be happy for me because the day I wanted so much is coming. I'll be reunited with my other half, Lars, who's been waiting to have me back because he loves me that much and he knows he's not gonna share with Lee, who loves me that much as well and not ready to leave me that time. I'll be the happiest dead person ever. Come on, laugh a little bit, it's not gonna be creepy, I promise.
For my memorial service funeral, print the happiest picture I have with some flowers; White Rose (Lars), Peonies (Risya), and Sunflower (Lee). And write something on a card, put it all there, Christie will collect it all and burn it all with my body. It's celebrating life, don't be sad, I'm gonna miss you all too, don't worry. Wear a Royal Blue color for me because Kevin said that color is so me; "Color for Kai: Royal Blue - because it defines an emotion, a way of presenting yourself and an attitude (in a good way)." Eat the good food I like; Tacos, Bacon, Chinese Food (noodle, please). You can cry when you eat this and pretend the food is too spicy, I forgive you, haha. And drink the Gin, with or without the cucumber. Christie will put my ashes in a beautiful jar that she will take a picture for my parents, spread it in the ocean and give a little for my baby girl, Roxy. Roxy is my everything that no one will understand this, not even Gareth, and it's fine :')
Once you guys are tipsy, dance for me please, plays the music I like and pretend that I'm around and go wild! Oh, play the "I Took Pill in Ibiza" for me and Lee and move even crazier in the minute 1:32. Say something nasty for me, I will hear you. Haha. Then play "Loyal" and sing it loud in the part of "These hoes ain't loyal!" just a fun song for some Indonesian girls who wants my men's money. You guys know how much I hate women use bule to ladder their life, right? And I can't stand sitting with the hostess, useless manager, hookers, one nationality I never like since a long time ago, maid hanging out in Victoria fuckin' Park or cheap bars in Hong Kong and Jakarta, or those material girls that pretend to have a good job such an amateur lawyer, marketing officer, yoga teacher, etc. Other songs to play for sure Sam Feldt, Robin Schulz, Usher, Kygo, Clean Bandit, The Beatles, and U2. Please do not play K-Pop and Dangdut, errr!
Christie will also broadcast a message on my phone to share the news: "Hi, I'm Christie, sad but happy to announce the passing of Risya on XX XX XX. Her love, craziness, dirty mind and big heart will be dearly missed by all. Please have a drink or two in a place you guys once hang out just to remember her in a good way."
My two Fathers will cry a little, but they are the strongest men I know and they won't show you. My Mother will be sad because she never had a chance to fix what she breaks since I was little but she will be alright.
And Christie will help me to send some messages so my some favorite hoomans:
Christie, "I am pain, I'm a child, I'm afraid, yet you understand, yeah like no one can." I'm always grateful for every time I wake up in the morning, I know you are the person I can't live without. Drink a glass of water for me.
Daniel, thank you for reminding me to take care of myself first before taking care of somebody else. I love you with your beautiful heart.
Ralph, I never had time to not proud of what you're doing. "There's a blanket on the sofa that I used to keep you warm when I find you fast asleep at half-past four." Sending love to our joy, Jasso, always.
Craig, haha, babe, no more pain, physically and mentally. I will always love you. I love us. Say goodbye to JB.
Chris, I am that woman when I'm with you, thank you for giving me the world I deserve that only you can give. Indeed life is a ying-yang, happy sadness pain health. The universe always teaches us but also helps us. I am your forever Jezebelle!
Yanz, Kaaakk you'll cry dramatically but let's pretend that you just drop me off at the airport. Send my love to Adrian, Phil, and the family in Karawang.
Gareth, I never upset for every time you make me feel unwanted or trying to change myself to be somebody else. Nobody's perfect in this world and you're far from perfect either. I'm standing tall in front of you and giving a love bigger than a mountain, wider than the ocean while you busy looking for existence on this island and thinking you are loved by being who you are, while they're not. I hope you get tired of all the foolish games and find somebody who loves you as much you love her sincerely. I am done drive myself crazy trying to convince you my worth because I will never find it in you, so I find within myself, thank you, and thank you for raising the beautiful kids with me.
Knowing every day that we are somebody's favorite person is what we need in this life, I hope one day somebody wakes up next to you having you look at her with the love you have to her.
Lars' Mom, "till death do us part" wasn't long enough for me and your son. Forever my Lars, forever my love. And I'm coming home. We will visit you, we love you and you will smile, guarantee that.
I have so many messages that I know it will take ages to write it beautifully. I never regret anything in the past, no matter how painful it is. Life is such a game and it's never easy for every different level we play. Mine is dying after Lars left, one more live after Lee left. Days are about to just "Game Over" as soon as the time comes, and it's okay :')
I'm always thinking about death, not lately, but since Lars passed away, almost 7 years ago with so many journeys in between until November last year when Lee also passed away. I don't know if I should laugh or cry even harder now. But I told my BFF, Christie, today that I leave my Social Media account legacy in case something happened to me with details that I'll write now.
If one day I die, (which I will), first, be happy for me because the day I wanted so much is coming. I'll be reunited with my other half, Lars, who's been waiting to have me back because he loves me that much and he knows he's not gonna share with Lee, who loves me that much as well and not ready to leave me that time. I'll be the happiest dead person ever. Come on, laugh a little bit, it's not gonna be creepy, I promise.
For my memorial service funeral, print the happiest picture I have with some flowers; White Rose (Lars), Peonies (Risya), and Sunflower (Lee). And write something on a card, put it all there, Christie will collect it all and burn it all with my body. It's celebrating life, don't be sad, I'm gonna miss you all too, don't worry. Wear a Royal Blue color for me because Kevin said that color is so me; "Color for Kai: Royal Blue - because it defines an emotion, a way of presenting yourself and an attitude (in a good way)." Eat the good food I like; Tacos, Bacon, Chinese Food (noodle, please). You can cry when you eat this and pretend the food is too spicy, I forgive you, haha. And drink the Gin, with or without the cucumber. Christie will put my ashes in a beautiful jar that she will take a picture for my parents, spread it in the ocean and give a little for my baby girl, Roxy. Roxy is my everything that no one will understand this, not even Gareth, and it's fine :')
Once you guys are tipsy, dance for me please, plays the music I like and pretend that I'm around and go wild! Oh, play the "I Took Pill in Ibiza" for me and Lee and move even crazier in the minute 1:32. Say something nasty for me, I will hear you. Haha. Then play "Loyal" and sing it loud in the part of "These hoes ain't loyal!" just a fun song for some Indonesian girls who wants my men's money. You guys know how much I hate women use bule to ladder their life, right? And I can't stand sitting with the hostess, useless manager, hookers, one nationality I never like since a long time ago, maid hanging out in Victoria fuckin' Park or cheap bars in Hong Kong and Jakarta, or those material girls that pretend to have a good job such an amateur lawyer, marketing officer, yoga teacher, etc. Other songs to play for sure Sam Feldt, Robin Schulz, Usher, Kygo, Clean Bandit, The Beatles, and U2. Please do not play K-Pop and Dangdut, errr!
Christie will also broadcast a message on my phone to share the news: "Hi, I'm Christie, sad but happy to announce the passing of Risya on XX XX XX. Her love, craziness, dirty mind and big heart will be dearly missed by all. Please have a drink or two in a place you guys once hang out just to remember her in a good way."
My two Fathers will cry a little, but they are the strongest men I know and they won't show you. My Mother will be sad because she never had a chance to fix what she breaks since I was little but she will be alright.
And Christie will help me to send some messages so my some favorite hoomans:
Christie, "I am pain, I'm a child, I'm afraid, yet you understand, yeah like no one can." I'm always grateful for every time I wake up in the morning, I know you are the person I can't live without. Drink a glass of water for me.
Daniel, thank you for reminding me to take care of myself first before taking care of somebody else. I love you with your beautiful heart.
Ralph, I never had time to not proud of what you're doing. "There's a blanket on the sofa that I used to keep you warm when I find you fast asleep at half-past four." Sending love to our joy, Jasso, always.
Craig, haha, babe, no more pain, physically and mentally. I will always love you. I love us. Say goodbye to JB.
Chris, I am that woman when I'm with you, thank you for giving me the world I deserve that only you can give. Indeed life is a ying-yang, happy sadness pain health. The universe always teaches us but also helps us. I am your forever Jezebelle!
Yanz, Kaaakk you'll cry dramatically but let's pretend that you just drop me off at the airport. Send my love to Adrian, Phil, and the family in Karawang.
Gareth, I never upset for every time you make me feel unwanted or trying to change myself to be somebody else. Nobody's perfect in this world and you're far from perfect either. I'm standing tall in front of you and giving a love bigger than a mountain, wider than the ocean while you busy looking for existence on this island and thinking you are loved by being who you are, while they're not. I hope you get tired of all the foolish games and find somebody who loves you as much you love her sincerely. I am done drive myself crazy trying to convince you my worth because I will never find it in you, so I find within myself, thank you, and thank you for raising the beautiful kids with me.
Knowing every day that we are somebody's favorite person is what we need in this life, I hope one day somebody wakes up next to you having you look at her with the love you have to her.
Lars' Mom, "till death do us part" wasn't long enough for me and your son. Forever my Lars, forever my love. And I'm coming home. We will visit you, we love you and you will smile, guarantee that.
I have so many messages that I know it will take ages to write it beautifully. I never regret anything in the past, no matter how painful it is. Life is such a game and it's never easy for every different level we play. Mine is dying after Lars left, one more live after Lee left. Days are about to just "Game Over" as soon as the time comes, and it's okay :')
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