The Refillable Glass

“Your glass is half empty, Risy.” 

Most of the time I will reply “Doesn’t matter, it is still not full.” Without seeing the face and tried to walk away. I gulped and hold my tears. For every time you said my glass is half empty, I act like I’m alright, not offended, trying to laugh or just pretend that I’m totally okay, exactly the same as “I know every single thing but I act like I know nothing.” 

Trust me, it’s so hard to pretend that everything is okay, to pretend that I know nothing and to just keep silent when they intimidate me just because they assume I will not know, I’m not in Bali, I will not care, etc. And when they finally know that I am not okay, that I actually know everything, still, everyone upset. When I speak, it’s called bitching. When I talk, it’s called snide. When I give my opinion, it’s not allowed. 

If I may say this time so I can breathe easily, allow me (trust me I’m nervous; I shook my legs, I bit my lip, and hold my teary eyes):

1. “Perception means we don’t see things as they are; we see things as we are.” – Rachel Hollis,
2. Even though I have a break time with God, I still believe that my glass overflow with His blessings, read Psalm 23:5 for details,
3. I always appreciate that I have a glass, whether it’s empty, full, half empty, half full,
4. Technically, the glass is always full: half air, half water,
5. Apart from the negative person sees the glass is half empty and the positive person sees it half full, I am the real person that adds Gin & Lemon and says “I don’t care, I love it, you don’t have to be so damn hard to please",
6. Don’t miss the point, the glass is refillable. It’s not up to you if I’d like to add more, to pour it out or to just say “I need another drink”, because one day I choose to walk away, you’ll only see the empty chair and the empty table without the glass :’) 

And if it’s half-empty, I don’t know what it’s all about; all the trips that I made to keep coming back to you, to choose you again and again. Really, I don’t know. Maybe pure love really produces pure nonsense and never win. While pretty face, beautiful body and fake love always win. 

I don’t wanna win, I just wanna love you sincerely, and walk away to refill my glass; watching you see things in real and finally understand how it feels, at the time I throw my glass. 

My picture from 2015 at Nook Bali.

It is still not full, and it’s okay :’)