“Hey, I don’t know why but you’re the first person I’d like to share this great news with, even though I realize I suppose to call you next year as I promise I will only try to find you again when I become that number one person, the most successful one.”
My heartbeat stopped, we didn’t talk for years and years. It’s not that I disconnect from him but I thought he decides it as I remember I told him “I do not deserve, you don’t have to suffer this much, I can’t see you in pain, Kiddo, let me leave :’)”
But then he said “You can control everything, but not feeling. You can make a fake smile but you can’t make fake happiness, and in the end no matter how hard I try, after all this time, I find u again.”
The heartbeat stopped again. I need to breathe.
As much as you think I have so many love stories, being loved by someone is always the greatest one. I do loving and giving and I stop expecting anything in return. You have no idea how hard it is waking up with someone in the morning who didn’t fall in love with you, you have no idea how to keep everything comfortable with someone who thinks comfortable is just more than enough as it possibly enough compares to relationship status, marriage life and or commitment that none of us will not ready.
Life is senseless, I know. I no longer afraid if tomorrow never comes, what I’m afraid is I’m losing the chance to let my people know how much they've meant to me, as much as I want those assholes to know that you don’t have to be too assholes in this life, in my country, in my personal life. I say whatever I want when I have to, and I’m not worried, as long as it is right and necessary.
Love is love, have that faith, whenever you are being who you are, believe that you don’t have to lower your standards, you don’t have to change to be accepted. I’m done with it, and I always remember every time I'm being myself, I actually being loved sincerely. He rewards my honesty with his true love, and I still think that I don’t deserve.
Funny how I could love someone with extra efforts and things is too blurred to be seen. When I’m searching myself in him, he tried to search it to anybody else as well, exactly like a vicious circle but then I still think that “hey that’s about love, right, even if it is not returned, it never goes away.” It’s just not it never goes away, but one day you’ll find the one who loves you the way you love.
You’ll find someone who looks at you like the way Roxy does, you’ll find someone who smiles with his eyes closed and wide smile in the morning tried to tell you he’s the happiest guy ever, you’ll find someone who knows your heart is his home. It doesn’t really matter whether it is “He, who you love” or anybody else who “loves you the way you love.”
Have a faith baby, have a faith. Try to trust yourself again and again, you never beg and they will always stay. They reward you with true love with all the sincerest love you gave.
I’m not worried, I will keep loving and giving, as the reward will be even greater than being loved anyway.
To the most loving man in the world, I know you read my blog every single freaking time. I don’t know if I have to say “Welcome Back Home.” But I always wish you the greatest things in this world. You taught me so much to appreciate myself more before anybody else, to be loved by someone, it is surely not necessary to be somebody else.
Happy belated birthday, Kiddo, Happy Chinese New Year, may the year of the Rat bring you good luck and good fortune.
Thank you, for letting me be who I am, for the trust you have since day one, for rebuild my trust that I don't have to put extra effort when I love someone and change myself to be accepted :')
My heartbeat stopped, we didn’t talk for years and years. It’s not that I disconnect from him but I thought he decides it as I remember I told him “I do not deserve, you don’t have to suffer this much, I can’t see you in pain, Kiddo, let me leave :’)”
But then he said “You can control everything, but not feeling. You can make a fake smile but you can’t make fake happiness, and in the end no matter how hard I try, after all this time, I find u again.”
The heartbeat stopped again. I need to breathe.
As much as you think I have so many love stories, being loved by someone is always the greatest one. I do loving and giving and I stop expecting anything in return. You have no idea how hard it is waking up with someone in the morning who didn’t fall in love with you, you have no idea how to keep everything comfortable with someone who thinks comfortable is just more than enough as it possibly enough compares to relationship status, marriage life and or commitment that none of us will not ready.
Life is senseless, I know. I no longer afraid if tomorrow never comes, what I’m afraid is I’m losing the chance to let my people know how much they've meant to me, as much as I want those assholes to know that you don’t have to be too assholes in this life, in my country, in my personal life. I say whatever I want when I have to, and I’m not worried, as long as it is right and necessary.
Love is love, have that faith, whenever you are being who you are, believe that you don’t have to lower your standards, you don’t have to change to be accepted. I’m done with it, and I always remember every time I'm being myself, I actually being loved sincerely. He rewards my honesty with his true love, and I still think that I don’t deserve.
Funny how I could love someone with extra efforts and things is too blurred to be seen. When I’m searching myself in him, he tried to search it to anybody else as well, exactly like a vicious circle but then I still think that “hey that’s about love, right, even if it is not returned, it never goes away.” It’s just not it never goes away, but one day you’ll find the one who loves you the way you love.
You’ll find someone who looks at you like the way Roxy does, you’ll find someone who smiles with his eyes closed and wide smile in the morning tried to tell you he’s the happiest guy ever, you’ll find someone who knows your heart is his home. It doesn’t really matter whether it is “He, who you love” or anybody else who “loves you the way you love.”
Have a faith baby, have a faith. Try to trust yourself again and again, you never beg and they will always stay. They reward you with true love with all the sincerest love you gave.
I’m not worried, I will keep loving and giving, as the reward will be even greater than being loved anyway.
To the most loving man in the world, I know you read my blog every single freaking time. I don’t know if I have to say “Welcome Back Home.” But I always wish you the greatest things in this world. You taught me so much to appreciate myself more before anybody else, to be loved by someone, it is surely not necessary to be somebody else.
Happy belated birthday, Kiddo, Happy Chinese New Year, may the year of the Rat bring you good luck and good fortune.
P.S. I listen to this song many times today and trying not to cry.
Thank you, for letting me be who I am, for the trust you have since day one, for rebuild my trust that I don't have to put extra effort when I love someone and change myself to be accepted :')
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