Thursday, August 1, 2019

Kai's State of Mind

Lee,
I'm in the middle of an important dinner with someone who tried to fix our relationship when you send me your all messages and all I want to do is leave that place.
I'm so honored to know that my birthday wishes to you were by far most the meaningful to you that you receive and you appreciate it so much. I'm so lying if I tell you that I forget everything we had. My another birthday messages to you, not because we are from the same planet and having the same Leo zodiac, please know that whatever you said to me about yourself is the same description of myself. It's just you are the better human version of me.
You are a disaster and I love you for that. I love you for who you are that never change yourself when you are with me.
Go ahead, Lee, be that master of sabotaging relationships that matter and might be going somewhere, don't run away because who knows she can just like me who fuck it up as well? It is never your fault to successfully make people stay in your life and it is never a wrong timing, and please, please, please do not fix yourself for somebody else, you owe nothing to anybody who didn't understand that you're just amazing.
I will never change, I promise, but I have to appreciate the distance and space that we both always crave about. Use that Instagram if it's makes you happy, upload that my favorite picture with Chewbacca, with Rascal, or whatever with you in it. Redact the messages you wanted to say and feel scared afterward. Have that midnight alcohol while you still wear your business attire, kiss a stranger at the bar, pull the chair and hold her hands at the dinner place where everyone staring at you and her because they're jealous of how adorable you are in treating your lady. Open that car's door, you have no idea how that classic gesture is the treasure that I found in you and I couldn't find in somebody else. Throw your best laughter when you're tipsy, give the widest smiles with that beautiful eyes still closed in the morning. I forget how much I get hurt in the past when I'm with you. But I know I have to love you enough to let you go.

A chaotic mind of mine whenever you're around.

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