I have few hours left to write about my most favorite month, August. Not only because of lots of unexpected birthday celebration, but I feel like I belong to this month a lot. Even one day before I turn to 29, it was 8 August which I'm still 28 that day, 23 days ago!
Time flies, it is. Time is running out, yes. I was 3 years old little girl 2 minutes ago, and I will be 30 soon that I can't even hear the clock ticking.
It was a bright beautiful afternoon on my last day of being 28 years old. Was so excited for tomorrow and was so relieved at the same time. It's going to be my year, I whisper to myself. There will be no more questions that I don't even want to hear the answers.
Emotional hangovers, totally. Working with assholes, sitting at the same table with new girlfriend of my former lover, round in circles with the feeling of "because with or without you, I can't live this life", the separation with my superhero friend, still not knowing what I want; only knowing what I don't want, bloated stomach, missing my old body, or even telling the therapist to keep my nails in shape. Ultimate grump, huh? Don't worry it's just a few, I still have all the list, but most of them are human. They are the biggest contribution of my emotional hangover, thanks. Sigh.
So that day when I had the afternoon walk at the beach, I'm just talking to myself, please please please universe, let me crack the code, if I have to be in Bali, then let me be. If I have to stay in Surabaya, give me more reason, or at least one only reason. If I have to go back to Jakarta, or if I have to move somewhere else, then lead me. Part of me just trying to keep convincing myself that "it's okay, and it's going to be okay". Forgive yourself for loving the wrong person, forgive yourself to have the time and energy to deal with, in the wrong working place and these assholes, forgive yourself of being tired asking where am I or where are we going, and it's okay to learn a little bit to chill in life.
Just forgive yourself and move on, that's it. 29 Will be beautiful, just like the beach, and you.
Time flies, it is. Time is running out, yes. I was 3 years old little girl 2 minutes ago, and I will be 30 soon that I can't even hear the clock ticking.
It was a bright beautiful afternoon on my last day of being 28 years old. Was so excited for tomorrow and was so relieved at the same time. It's going to be my year, I whisper to myself. There will be no more questions that I don't even want to hear the answers.
4:35PM Bali Beach, Petitenget
Emotional hangovers, totally. Working with assholes, sitting at the same table with new girlfriend of my former lover, round in circles with the feeling of "because with or without you, I can't live this life", the separation with my superhero friend, still not knowing what I want; only knowing what I don't want, bloated stomach, missing my old body, or even telling the therapist to keep my nails in shape. Ultimate grump, huh? Don't worry it's just a few, I still have all the list, but most of them are human. They are the biggest contribution of my emotional hangover, thanks. Sigh.
Oh, I walk with this little hooman that day, Max Moore.
So that day when I had the afternoon walk at the beach, I'm just talking to myself, please please please universe, let me crack the code, if I have to be in Bali, then let me be. If I have to stay in Surabaya, give me more reason, or at least one only reason. If I have to go back to Jakarta, or if I have to move somewhere else, then lead me. Part of me just trying to keep convincing myself that "it's okay, and it's going to be okay". Forgive yourself for loving the wrong person, forgive yourself to have the time and energy to deal with, in the wrong working place and these assholes, forgive yourself of being tired asking where am I or where are we going, and it's okay to learn a little bit to chill in life.
Just forgive yourself and move on, that's it. 29 Will be beautiful, just like the beach, and you.
I'm gonna miss this, salty hair and sandy toes :')
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