Thursday, February 9, 2017

When Everything Feels Like the Movie

Yeah, you bleed just to know your alive!

And I am still, alive, I'm sure?
It wasn't my plan to watch this sad movie, "Me Before You". If I knew that it will be sad, of course, I will just turn off the TV.

I don't have 'that' chance, no I don't. To look after you before you're gone, forever. I don't have 'that' chance, to be that woman who can say "I kissed him, trying to bring him back. I kissed him and let my lips rest against his so that our breath mingled and the tears from my eyes became salt on his skin, and I told myself that, somewhere, tiny particles of him would become tiny particles of me, ingested, swallowed, alive, perpetual. I wanted to press every bit of me against him. I wanted to will something into him. I wanted to give him every bit of life I felt and force him to live." -Page 360, Jojo Moyes

The day that I know that you're passed away, I can feel this world freeze for seconds, my teary eyes when I had fire alarm meeting just can't stand there anymore. I just want to run from where am I that time, I want to scream as loud as I can. I love you, how am I supposed to live with that?

But ya, I am that girl who finally can say "I held him close and said nothing, all the while telling him silently that he was loved. Oh, but he was loved." -Page 361, Jojo Moyes; on the day when I saw you for the last time, the body that just... rest, for forever, and say nothing.

It hits me so much harder than I ever thought it would, even after more than three years, my love.

The bumblebee tights, I don't want that. I just want you, again, one more time, Lars. One more time.

Please.. please.. please.... :'(


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